180+ Best Talladega Nights Quotes to Make You Laugh Out Loud!

Talladega Nights Quotes: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby is a cult classic comedy that races into the hearts of fans with its outrageous humor, over-the-top characters, and unforgettable one-liners. Released in 2006, this NASCAR-themed film starring Will Ferrell as Ricky Bobby delivers a satirical yet affectionate look at American car culture and the pursuit of fame. Its quotes—ranging from absurd to surprisingly insightful—have become iconic in pop culture. Whether it’s Ricky’s confident “If you ain’t first, you’re last” or Cal’s hilarious one-liners, Talladega Nights offers an endless supply of memorable quotes that continue to entertain fans years later.

Talladega Nights Quotes

“If you ain’t first, you’re last!”
“I’m all jacked up on Mountain Dew!”
“I wake up in the morning and I piss excellence.”
“Dear Lord Baby Jesus…”
“I don’t know what to do with my hands.”
“Help me Tom Cruise!”
“That just happened!”
“Shake and bake!”
“Like a spider monkey!”
“Drive fast, eat chicken.”

Best Talladega Nights Quotes

“You gotta learn to drive with the fear.”
“It’s the fastest who gets paid.”
“El Diablo. It’s like Spanish for ‘fighting chicken.’”
“Here comes the Thundercat!”
“I’m not thinking, I’m just doing!”
“You make that jump or you’re fired!”
“I’m too drunk to taste this chicken.”
“You sound like a dog with peanut butter on the roof of your mouth.”
“That’s how you win races!”
“You gotta risk it to get the biscuit.”

Funny Talladega Nights Quotes

“You taste of America.”
“I’m gonna come at you like a spider monkey!”
“Don’t you put that evil on me, Ricky Bobby!”
“What does that do? Does that blow your mind?”
“Sweet baby Jesus in a tuxedo shirt!”
“You can’t have two Number Ones.”
“I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-shirt.”
“With all due respect, that idea ain’t worth a velvet painting of a whale.”
“We go together like cocaine and waffles!”
“I’m flying through the air! This is not good.”

Talladega Nights Quotes Funny

“I threw a bunch of Grandpa Chip’s war medals off the bridge.”
“Get that corn outta my face!”
“You’re not gonna live forever, Ricky.”
“I will not shake your hand. I will let you go.”
“My name is Ricky Bobby, and I love Fig Newtons.”
“This sticker is dangerous and inconvenient, but I do love Fig Newtons.”
“I like crepes.”
“You’re paralyzed… from the neck up!”
“This makes no sense, but go on.”
“You better not talk about our Lord and Savior like that.”

Will Ferrell Talladega Nights Quotes

“Shake and bake, baby!”
“You gotta drive through the fear.”
“I piss excellence!”
“I live my life a quarter-mile at a time—wait, wrong movie.”
“Help me, Oprah Winfrey!”
“I’m Ricky Bobby!”
“America is all about speed.”
“If you don’t chew Big Red, then f*** you!”
“You can’t have two number ones.”
“I like to picture my Jesus in a tuxedo T-shirt.”

Famous Talladega Nights Quotes

“If you ain’t first, you’re last!”
“Shake and bake!”
“I’m all jacked up on Mountain Dew!”
“Dear Lord Baby Jesus…”
“I don’t know what to do with my hands.”
“Help me Tom Cruise!”
“Like a spider monkey!”
“Don’t you put that evil on me!”
“I wake up and piss excellence.”
“You taste of America.”

Cal Talladega Nights Quotes

“I like to think of Jesus in a tuxedo T-shirt.”
“I’m gonna come at you like a spider monkey!”
“Shake and bake, Ricky!”
“You wreck me, I wreck you.”
“You said we could switch!”
“Ricky, I love you, but you’re acting crazy.”
“That was like, real dumb.”
“You wrecked me on purpose!”
“Are we still best friends?”
“You can’t have two number ones.”

Ricky Bobby Talladega Nights Quotes

“I wanna go fast!”
“If you ain’t first, you’re last!”
“I piss excellence.”
“Dear Lord Baby Jesus…”
“Help me Oprah Winfrey!”
“I don’t know what to do with my hands.”
“America is all about speed.”
“I’m too drunk to taste this chicken.”
“Shake and bake!”
“I’m not paralyzed!”

Walker and Texas Ranger Talladega Nights Quotes

“I threw a bunch of Grandpa Chip’s war medals off the bridge!”
“I’m gonna come at you like a spider monkey!”
“You made that prayer, so you say grace!”
“Anarchy!”
“I hate you, Dad!”
“Chip, I’m all hopped up on Mountain Dew!”
“I don’t even know what that means!”
“I’m the best there is!”
“Old man, I’m gonna beat you like a drum!”
“Get out of my face, old man!”

John C. Reilly Talladega Nights Quotes

“Shake and bake!”
“Spider monkey!”
“Are we still best friends?”
“You can’t have two number ones.”
“I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-shirt.”
“Ricky, I’m not trying to be better than you.”
“You wrecked me!”
“I thought we was like brothers.”
“I just want to win one.”
“That was awesome and also dumb.”

Texas Ranger Talladega Nights Quotes

“I threw medals off the bridge!”
“I’m gonna beat you like a drum!”
“I’ll jump on you like a spider monkey!”
“I love chaos!”
“You don’t own me!”
“That’s how I roll!”
“I don’t even know what that means!”
“Grandpa’s a dumb old man!”
“You can’t control me!”
“I’ll mess you up!”

Talladega Nights Quotes Inspirational

“You gotta learn to drive with the fear.”
“Go fast or go home.”
“It’s not just about winning—it’s about being the best you.”
“You can overcome anything—even fear.”
“Drive through it.”
“If you ain’t first, find out why.”
“Stay loose, stay focused.”
“Believe in yourself like Ricky Bobby.”
“Keep going, even if you crash.”
“Speed is a mindset.”

Talladega Nights Quotes Shake and Bake

“Shake and bake, baby!”
“That just happened!”
“You got the shake, I got the bake!”
“Dynamic duo!”
“Teamwork makes speed work!”
“Shake… and… bake!”
“Let’s burn rubber!”
“Shake before you bake!”
“Two racers, one mission!”
“We ride together, we win together.”

Best Talladega Nights Quotes Reddit

“I piss excellence.”
“Shake and bake!”
“Dear Lord Baby Jesus…”
“Don’t you put that evil on me!”
“I like to think of Jesus in a tuxedo.”
“I’m jacked up on Mountain Dew!”
“I’m not paralyzed!”
“That’s how you do it!”
“Ricky Bobby, legend.”
“Drive fast, pray hard.”

Funniest Talladega Nights Quotes

“I’m too drunk to taste this chicken.”
“You sound like a dog with peanut butter on the roof of your mouth.”
“El Diablo!”
“With all due respect…”
“I don’t know what to do with my hands.”
“This is not good!”
“I like crepes.”
“I’m on fire! I’m on fire!”
“Help me, baby Jesus!”
“These colors don’t run!”

Jean Girard Talladega Nights Quotes

“I will let you go, Ricky Bobby.”
“You taste of America.”
“I love crepes.”
“You have spilled my macchiato.”
“Your defeat was inevitable.”
“I am a Frenchman and I drive with precision.”
“You will shake my hand.”
“I’ve come to challenge you.”
“You fear me.”
“You are not a thinker, Ricky.”

Sacha Baron Cohen Talladega Nights Quotes

“You taste of America.”
“Let me hold your hand.”
“I love racing and jazz.”
“You refuse to shake my hand?”
“My name is Jean Girard!”
“Crepes are delicious.”
“Accept defeat.”
“I drive with style.”
“This is not over, Ricky.”
“I am French and I’m better.”

Chip Talladega Nights Quotes

“Don’t talk about Jesus like that!”
“I will come at you like a spider monkey!”
“You boys are out of control!”
“That was uncalled for!”
“Respect your elders!”
“That’s your father!”
“You little monsters!”
“Get your feet off the table!”
“We say grace in this house!”
“You boys are grounded!”

Talladega Nights Quotes Kids

“I’m all jacked up on Mountain Dew!”
“I threw Grandpa Chip’s medals off the bridge!”
“I’ll come at you like a spider monkey!”
“I hate you, Dad!”
“I love chaos!”
“You don’t control me!”
“This house is a prison!”
“You’re the worst dad ever!”
“I run this place!”
“I love power!”

Talladega Nights Quotes Tuxedo Tee Shirt

“I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-shirt.”
“Tuxedo T-shirt means I’m formal… but I’m here to party.”
“Classy and wild.”
“Jesus with a mullet and a T-shirt.”
“He’s got a front row seat to the gun show.”
“Formal up top, party down low.”
“Best-dressed Lord and Savior.”
“Worship in style.”
“Tuxedo tee: the racer’s choice.”
“Dressed for dinner and demolition.”

Conclusion

The quotes from Talladega Nights capture the film’s bold humor, quirky charm, and satirical brilliance. They reflect the exaggerated confidence and outrageous personalities of its characters while also providing comic relief and unexpected wisdom. These lines have transcended the film itself, finding a place in everyday conversations, memes, and pop culture references. From motivational absurdities to laugh-out-loud moments, the quotes of Talladega Nights remain a beloved part of comedy cinema, reminding us not to take life—or racing—too seriously. Shake and bake!