190+ Best Ron Swanson Quotes Full of Humor and Wisdom

Ron Swanson quotes the mustachioed libertarian from Parks and Recreation, is a character whose quotes have become cultural touchstones. Known for his dry wit, deep love for meat and woodworking, and strong dislike for government interference, Ron delivers memorable one-liners packed with humor and unexpected wisdom. His quotes touch on everything from personal responsibility and masculinity to love and life’s simpler pleasures. Fans appreciate his blunt honesty, rugged charm, and unwavering principles, making his words both entertaining and thought-provoking.

Table of Contents

Ron Swanson Quotes

“I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food.”
“There’s only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk.”
“Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.”
“Fish meat is practically a vegetable.”
“Any dog under fifty pounds is a cat.”
“History began on July 4, 1776.”
“Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Don’t teach a man to fish… fishing’s not that hard.”
“There is only one bad word: taxes.”
“Child labor laws are ruining this country.”
“I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name.”

Best Ron Swanson Quotes

“I’m not interested in caring about people.”
“I’m Ron Swanson, and you’re not.”
“Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.”
“I know what I’m about, son.”
“Keep your tears in your eyes where they belong.”
“I hate everything.”
“You had me at meat tornado.”
“There’s only one thing I love more than bacon: more bacon.”
“Friends: one to three is sufficient.”
“I’m not lonely. I have myself.”

Ron Swanson Quotes About Work

“Work hard. Work alone.”
“I’m not interested in caring more.”
“Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.”
“I work hard so I don’t have to talk to people.”
“I’m a firm believer in self-reliance.”
“I’d wish you the best of luck, but I believe luck is a concept created by the weak.”
“It’s pointless for a human to paint scenes of nature when they can go outside and stand in it.”
“I’d rather work than talk about working.”
“My idea of teamwork is doing it all myself.”
“I’m not a team player.”

Ron Swanson Quotes to Live By

“Give me all the bacon and eggs you have.”
“Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.”
“History began on July 4, 1776.”
“Sting like a bee. Do not float like a butterfly. That’s ridiculous.”
“Don’t start chasing applause and acclaim.”
“If any of you need anything at all, too bad.”
“There’s only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk.”
“I’d rather be fishing.”
“Live free or die.”
“Honor: if you need it defined, you don’t have it.”

Funny Ron Swanson Quotes

“I’m not crying. I’m allergic to jerks.”
“I regret nothing. The end.”
“Give me all the bacon and eggs you have.”
“I once drank a gallon of milk in ten seconds. It was a mistake.”
“Birthdays were invented by Hallmark to sell cards.”
“I’d wish you the best of luck, but I believe luck is a concept created by the weak.”
“There’s more than one crib tree in a forest. That’s not a lesson, by the way, just a comment on lumber availability.”
“I’ve been quite open about this around the office: I don’t want this parks department to build any parks.”
“There is only one bad word: taxes.”
“I’m not interested in caring about people.”

Parks and Rec Ron Swanson Quotes

“I’m a libertarian—leave me alone.”
“I’d rather be dead than work in a cubicle.”
“This is a canvas sheet. It’s a tent now.”
“Capitalism: God’s way of determining who is smart and who is poor.”
“You can’t teach a man to fish if you haven’t fished.”
“I’m not sure I’m interested in that topic, or in you.”
“Turf ‘n’ Turf: a 16 oz T-bone and a 24 oz porterhouse. Also whiskey.”
“The government is a greedy piglet.”
“Awards are stupid. But they’d be less stupid if they went to me.”
“This is my vacation: silence, solitude, and meat.”

Ron Swanson Quotes About Government

“I hate the government.”
“The government is a greedy piglet.”
“The less I know about other people’s affairs, the happier I am.”
“I’m here to do as little as possible.”
“I’m against all human interaction, including this one.”
“Government should do nothing.”
“I’m not interested in what you do, only in what I can prevent you from doing.”
“I believe in cutting useless government programs. Starting with this one.”
“I don’t trust big government or big anything.”
“I work for the government, but I’d prefer if it didn’t exist.”

Ron Swanson Quotes About Love

“You had me at meat tornado.”
“I love nothing. Except my dog.”
“My ex-wife’s name is Tammy. My other ex-wife’s name is also Tammy.”
“I’m a simple man with simple pleasures.”
“I have a permit. It says I can do what I want.”
“I once made love while camping. It was the most dangerous night of my life.”
“Love is a lot like steak—rare, and better when not overdone.”
“I love strong, intelligent women. And breakfast food.”
“I’m not romantic, I’m practical.”
“I trust no one. That includes women I love.”

Famous Ron Swanson Quotes

“Give me all the bacon and eggs you have.”
“Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.”
“I know what I’m about, son.”
“I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food.”
“There is only one bad word: taxes.”
“I’m not interested in caring about people.”
“History began on July 4, 1776.”
“Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.”
“I’m not lonely. I have myself.”
“Awards are stupid. But they’d be less stupid if they went to me.”

Ron Swanson Quotes – Never Half

“Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.”
“If you’re not giving 100%, you’re wasting time.”
“Commit or quit. No in-between.”
“Do it right or don’t do it at all.”
“Don’t dabble. Dominate.”
“Half-measures are for cowards.”
“All in, all the time.”
“Show up with purpose or don’t show up.”
“There’s no honor in half-effort.”
“Anything worth doing is worth doing full-assed.”

Inspirational Ron Swanson Quotes

“Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.”
“I know what I’m about, son.”
“Don’t start chasing applause and acclaim.”
“Work hard. Work alone.”
“Be a man. Or a very good woman.”
“Keep your tears in your eyes where they belong.”
“Live free or die.”
“You don’t have to drink to enjoy life, but it helps.”
“There’s only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk.”
“Be decisive. The world needs more men like you.”

Ron Swanson Quotes – Chummy

“I’m not interested in being chummy.”
“If you need a friend, get a dog.”
“Being friendly is not a job requirement.”
“We don’t need to talk. Just nod.”
“Small talk is for small minds.”
“Friendship is earned through silence and meat.”
“Let’s not get too close. I prefer solitude.”
“Just because I tolerate you doesn’t mean I like you.”
“I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name.”
“The less I know about people, the better.”

Ron Swanson Quotes – 100%

“Give 100% or don’t bother.”
“I give 100% effort 10% of the time.”
“Whole-ass it. Always.”
“There’s no such thing as too much effort.”
“If you’re in, be all in.”
“Half is for suckers. Go full.”
“Full commitment. No excuses.”
“The only number that matters: 100%.”
“Never settle. Ever.”
“Total focus, total effort.”

Ron Swanson Quotes About Life

“There’s only one bad word: taxes.”
“Live free or don’t live at all.”
“Keep your emotions to yourself.”
“Life is a steak—enjoy it rare.”
“Don’t cry. It’s just life.”
“Live quietly. Live smart.”
“Life is better when you avoid people.”
“Work, eat meat, repeat.”
“Don’t overthink life. Just build a canoe.”
“Life is simple. Don’t complicate it.”

Ron Swanson Quotes – Dogs

“Dogs are better than most people.”
“Get a dog. It won’t betray you.”
“If you want loyalty, get a dog.”
“My dog is smarter than most government officials.”
“I trust my dog more than humans.”
“Dogs don’t lie. People do.”
“I talk to my dog. That’s enough communication.”
“A dog’s love is real. People fake it.”
“I only open up to my dog.”
“Dogs: pure, loyal, silent. Perfect.”

BuzzFeed Ron Swanson Quotes to Live By

“Give me all the bacon and eggs you have.”
“Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.”
“I know what I’m about, son.”
“Don’t start chasing applause and acclaim.”
“There is only one bad word: taxes.”
“History began on July 4, 1776.”
“I’m not interested in caring about people.”
“You had me at meat tornado.”
“Work hard. Work alone.”
“Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.”

Conclusion

Ron Swanson’s quotes continue to entertain and inspire with their mix of humor, truth, and simplicity. They’re timeless reminders to live with purpose, independence, and bacon.